Dreaded Dementia

I know there’s a lot of relatives and PLWD out there and it’s such a heartbreaking disease. Unfortunately my dear mum is now in the end stage of dementia .

I constantly beat myself up about this so much and knowing that there’s not even a cure in the horizon .

I only wish my own health issues didn’t affect my daily life I so want to spend as much time with my mum as possible.

It’s true what people say. When someone you love has dementia it’s like your grieving for a person whom you love but they’re just not there in soul anymore.

#specialmoments #memories #love

look at how mum purses her lips towards mine. I cannot believe the change and decline in mums health in only 6 months. I suppose nobody can really tell how long I have to watch my mum go through something so tragic.

I’m going to try and get some sleep but it never comes easy as I worry every minute of the day of the phone ringing about my mum. TBC Hello again my friends. Was in visiting my mum yesterday and it’s the first time in a long time I seen her sat up in her chair.

I know I put myself through absolute turmoil I wish I didn’t. Thing is I know she has no life and cannot speak and needs assistance with everyday things we take for granted but I feel very guilty for missing a lot about my mum. People say but she’s still there, it’s still her body. I don’t think anyone can comprehend unless you’ve had a loved one go through such a devastating disease.

Please do not misunderstand me for I know there are horrendous diseases and illness’s that many people go through on a daily basis. My mum came through, Cancer, Heart Attack, Stroke, kidney failure amongst many other life changing illness’s but she could tell you how she felt. She cannot say anything and I sit torturing myself wondering if she’s in pain and she can’t tell me or anyone else.

I’m sure I’m not alone in my way of thinking and I definitely know it’s not helping anyone especially myself. I should take what time we have left and concentrate on the good things that I know mum likes. I give her a hand massage, facial and talk about everything that’s happening with everyone in the family but most of all I tell her how much I love her and kiss her ( as you see from image above) these are the special moments that will be locked in my heart forever.

I went in to visit mum again yesterday of course the normal anxiety builds up as usual. It’s hard to explain in a way. I feel that I’m not really living in this awful hurtful scenario but then if I wasn’t then I wouldn’t feel so heartbroken just watching my poor mum slowly lose every ability she was given to be such a big influence in not only mine and my family’s life but also so many friends she made throughout the years.

I do still feel saddened that some of mums family and friends don’t ask or visit her. If someone has cancer they have McMillan nurses and treatment at home but can still be surrounded by family and friends. Please don’t get me wrong on this it’s just why do people tend to shun away from someone with Alzheimer’s/Dementia? Is it fear ? Or not knowing how to be around the person ?

If I had better health I would go in and see mum daily but as I’ve said before I do struggle with my own health issues. Then again I feel selfish in a sense ? I fight with my mind day in day out about how often I should see mum and is there something more I can do ? I know nothing will change the outcome of what’s happening and this is something I find hard to accept.

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